Doctors to ask patients if they’re Brexiters or normal people

author avatar by 6 years ago

Following news that doctors will ask patients about their sexuality comes the announcement that they will also be asking if the patient is a normal person or a Brexiter.

The question will not just be to help the doctor determine whether or not the patient is a prick or not, but can help with many other aspects of their treatment.

“Well, we can tell a lot from that one question,” said GP Simon Williams.

“For example, if the patient remains optimistic about what Britain will be like after Brexit, then we can conclude that he’s very, very stupid.

“Whereas, if they think that Brexit is currently going quite well, we can immediately assume that they’re utterly delusional and treat anything else they say as complete fantasy.

“If they’re the sort of Brexiter who thinks that we should just be telling the EU to sod off and cutting all ties with them immediately, then we assume they’re dangerous to themselves and others and take appropriate precautions.”

In the past, Doctors have had to make educated guesses about whether or not the patient supported Brexit.

“Yes, it actually wasn’t too difficult; burgundy chinos, brass buttons on the blazer, Ruddles ale fumes. We had a separate waiting room for them.”

Rumours that a positive response to a question about whether Boris Johnson should be prime minister leading to the patient being immediately sectioned under the mental health act are currently unconfirmed.