Hurricane Ophelia will kill us all, insists Michael Fish

author avatar by 7 years ago

Michael Fish has stepped out of retirement to issue a serious warning about hurricane Ophelia.

Thirty years to the day since he told the British population not to worry about rumours of a hurricane just hours before it battered England, the veteran weather forecaster is playing it safe this time.

Chatting to anyone within earshot at his local pub, Britain’s most famous meteorologist announced, “Some of you have expressed concern hurricane Ophelia, which is due to hit Britain tomorrow. And they are right to be concerned.

“Although it is only the tail-end of the hurricane and it is supposed to just skim the western edge of the United Kingdom, I want it to go on record that I think it will definitely be a devastating force that will doubtless cause a lot of damage to property and threaten livelihoods and even lives.

“If there is even the slightest chance of a bit of a hurricane then I don’t want us all to be unprepared. Not on my watch, no sir.

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“Better to err on the side of caution and frighten the shit out of absolutely everyone, than be sorry, as I always say. Well, as I’ve been saying since 1987, anyway.”

In the wake of his terrifying and arguably somewhat over the top weather warning, it is understood that the Daily Express are now seeking to employ Mr Fish for regular forecasts.