Uber to ‘take back control’ by negotiating deals with each individual Londoner

author avatar by 6 years ago

Ride-sharing service Uber has claimed it will be taking back control of its destiny by negotiating deals with individual Londoners, after losing its deal with TfL.

It claims that putting together 8 million deals to give them what they previously had in one deal is just the sort of thing pragmatic organisations do when faced with a challenging operating environment.

Londoner Simon Williams, “Yeah, Uber called me this morning to talk about a deal. I was pretty surprised, but they were very insistent that they wanted to work with me under a new, special relationship.

“I mean, I’ve used them a couple of times, sure, but I didn’t think we needed to have our own agreement – we already had one, or so I thought, all they’ve got to do is try adhering to a few rules they’re not very keen on. No big deal, surely?

“But they kept offering me bigger discounts and more free rides – so what could I do, I signed up. It cost them a fair bit as they’ve now got a worse deal than they had with me before, but they didn’t seem to mind as long as they were ‘back in control’ of giving me everything I wanted.”

An Uber spokesperson explained that the latest plan would see the firm become the leading travel service across the capital.

They went on, “Yes, I know that technically that’s what we already were, but this will be different. Instead of one big deal making us the largest, we’ll now have lots and lots and lots of smaller deals, each slightly different to the last, giving us the control we really need.”

When pressed for evidence this is what the market wants, the spokesperson told us, “We’ve already signed Mr Williams of NW6, what more proof could you possibly need?”