Hopes are fading fast as the nation continues to search for a Brexiter who is willing to state publicly that Brexit is ‘going brilliantly and precisely to plan’.
With the prime minister on a begging mission in Florence today, a tumbled pound pushing inflation ever higher, and the government’s own forecasts showing much worse economic performance than expected, people willing to take credit for this are few and far between.
Search party leader Simon Williams told us, “We’ve got lots of people saying Brexit is great while denying the reality of the situation – they’re ten a penny, just look in the comments below this article.
“What we’re looking for is the one who accepts what’s actually happening, and says this is exactly how they saw it happening.
“The clever ones are already lining up their post-Brexit narrative, it goes something like this: Brexit could have been brilliant, but secret remoaners inside the government messed it up so badly that we’re now all suffering – they should have done a Brexit like I wanted. It’s all their fault, Brexit was a great idea, but executed terribly.
“They’re getting their excuses in early, and we can respect that. No-one wants to be tarnished with the shit-show coming our way.
“The less clever ones still have their heads in the sand, struggling to get past the denial stage – but it will come eventually.
“Right now we think the chances of finding someone to stand up and publicly claim Brexit is ‘going brilliantly and precisely as I thought it would’, to be somewhere north of hitting the Euromillions jackpot.
“Of course, we have to discount those with mental illnesses and reduced cognitive function, we’re talking a sane, rational adult who is happy to stand up and say ‘yes, this is exactly how I wanted it to develop when I voted to Leave last year’.
“If you see one, please do let us know.”
Brexit means Clusterf*ck – get the t-shirt here!