Beleaguered airline company Ryanair have announced that they’re just going to punch each and every passenger in the face and have done with it.
“Obviously, it is our primary aim to make the lives of our passengers as difficult and unpleasant as possible,” said Ryanair Chief Executive and awful human being Michael O’Leary.
“We need to find a way to streamline our system so that rather than just having these unpredictable cancellations, we can find a simple, easy and predictable way to be dreadful to passengers.
“We thought about installing no flush toilets on our planes or casting some sort of spell over the passengers but as ideas, they seemed a little fanciful.
“So punching them squarely in the face seems like the best course of action all round.”
It is understood that specialised punching staff will be employed at the entrance to all airports serviced by Ryanair in order to punch the optimum number of passengers.
Passengers were resigned to whatever further humiliation and misery Ryanair sees fit to heap on them.
“Being punched in the face you say?” said Simon Williams, a frequent Ryanair flyer who has forgotten what joy is.
“Definitely better than what we’re getting at the moment.”