The bomb on the London Underground today was so shit that not even ISIS have claimed to be behind it.
ISIS, who are so miserably desperate they’ll claim to be responsible for tailbacks on the A14, your milk going off and Russ Abbott’s Madhouse back in the 1980s, have decided that this risible attempt is beneath even them – and that’s saying something.
“In the name of Allah, the just, the merciful, this was nothing to do with us squire,” said ISIS spokesman Shimonu Al-Qwilliams from behind a cratered wall somewhere in the last corner of Raqqa that they still control.
“You remember that time you trod in dog poo and then walked on your new carpet before you noticed? That was us. And when you got so pissed you ate a dodgy kebab and had really bad squitters in the morning? That was us too.
“But this pathetic effort? It’s too crap even for us.
“By the beard of the prophet you infidels have been warned – when we strike, the delays on the District Line will be more than the usual twenty minutes!”