Jeremy Corbyn is hoping to bring some discipline to his shadow cabinet with the addition of a frightened pigeon trapped in his office.
After a week in which Kier Starmer, Tom Watson and Caroline Flint made different, entirely contradictory Brexit announcements, the pigeon has been asked to ‘firm up’ the party message by giving some leadership which is currently lacking.
Already the pigeon’s vision for Brexit has been praised as more consistent and credible than anything offered by the two main parties.
“The pigeon keeps flying into things, knocking them over, crapping everywhere and headbutting a closed window”, we were told.
“Or is that Dennis Skinner, it’s actually quite difficult to tell.
“You can tell them apart if you remember that the pigeon has a manky foot and Dennis probably doesn’t.
“The Labour party hasn’t had a front-bencher who pecks greedily at a discarded takeaway in the bin since John Prescott retired, and we’re very confident that the pigeon will do a better job at unifying the party than he did.”
When told the pigeon had to hold a seat in Parliament to serve in the cabinet, Corbyn announced it would avoid standing for election by being made a baron like Shami Chakrabarti was.