Theresa May has been downgraded to a Category One Prime Minister and is expected to fizzle out shortly, according to reports.
May has traversed the country in recent months seeking to increase her power from the warm waters of self-interest, but is expected to end up hopelessly adrift in Eastbourne as a sprawling area of dampness.
The vicar’s daughter, who was no more than a Category Three at best, has left a trail of destruction in her wake, rendering the country largely uninhabitable for EU migrants.
Forecaster, Simon Williams, said, “Originally May set out on a course of prosperity and fairness, but surprised us all by performing several last minute U-turns, sparing the rich while wreaking havoc on the vulnerable.
“Thanks to May, many more have lost the roof over their heads, with sustained gusts of ineptitude that reached their peak during the election.
“We urge people who can evacuate to do so and to head for higher ground. Unfortunately, for many people that means Wales.”
Williams added, “For those hoping for some respite from the carnival of misery and shit weather, we have only bad news.
“We expect May to be followed by the even more destructive PM Jacob – a Category Five wanker.”