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The diplomatic world was stunned by a recent press conference where Mr Putin showed an uncharacteristic flicker of anger at the suggestion that Donald Trump was his bride.
In addition, the Russian president publicly expressed frustration that it was “hard to negotiate with spayed window-lickers who confuse Austria with Australia.”
At the Kremlin, Chief of Western Directorate Colonel Zymion Viliamskov sought to defuse tensions and clarify his President’s statements.
“We have good atmosphere with America now but is difficult to talk to administration because time spent explaining what page Atlas they must open.
“As for comments, you must understand that in Russia, marriage is serious thing and Gospodin Putin is traditional man. He was angry that reporter suggest he is husband to fat man.
“His relationship with Trump is more like…I don’t know exact English word…. like businessman and woman who makes love behind train station for fifty roubles.”
Colonel Viliamskov refused to comment on the recent closures of American consulates and a brewing disagreement over Donald Trump’s North Korea stance.
“The USA will act in their own interests. President Trump is completely independent person that we have no control over and no way of influencing.
“We certainly do not have several terabytes of kompromat that we could easily give to Assange man along with promise of safe haven and nice apartment overlooking Gorky Park.”
