UK Brexit team furious as EU threatens to keep British people dangerously well-informed

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Theresa May and David Davis have today criticised the EU for attempting to influence the British voting public by keeping them dangerously well-informed about the Brexit process.

Speaking to reporters in Downing Street, the prime minister criticised the EU’s chief negotiator Michel Barnier.

She claimed Barnier’s threat to keep the British people up to speed with how Brexit negotiations are going, and to ensure they are educated about the implications of any deal eventually reached, is an affront to democracy.

May explained, “As we’ve said all along, we don’t want anyone who can actually vote to have even the faintest idea about what is going on behind closed doors in our negotiations with the EU, because that would be very stupid indeed.

“We want everything done in secret, free from media scrutiny and the sort of criticism that could lead voters to think we might not be doing such a bang-up job.

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“We have promised the country a deal that is willfully unrealistic, so we need these two years of nothing whatsoever being said about it to ensure we give the people time to forget what we promised them.”

An EU spokesperson said, “There are 27 countries on our side that need to agree on the terms of the Brexit deal, with each country having to sell the deal to their own voters –  but sure, if she wants to try and keep the British people in the dark during the whole thing, then good luck to her.

“I’ve seen your newspapers; I’m sure that soon enough you’ll all be convinced that being told absolutely nothing is the best thing for you.”