Global markets dropped overnight after North Korea unveiled what is described as ‘a buttplug of terrifying potency’.
The plug, which is reported as being more than six times more powerful than anything previously tried, causing jitters on stock markets worldwide as investors had an awful vision of what it might be like in use.
Seismographs around the world registered the activation of the plug yesterday afternoon, and North Korea state television showed images of a gleeful Kim Jong-Un high-fiving senior military figures minutes after he personally oversaw the first use of the device.
Analysts reported that they detected a shudder to Kims’ walk, but that he was otherwise steady and appeared ‘incredibly relaxed’.
“Well, he’d have to be. Just look at that thing,” one told us.
“We’ve been worried they might manage this for a while. Ever since a rogue Dutch scientist introduced them to flared-base technology there’s been no stopping them.”
The United States has reacted angrily to the news, with President Trump warning that the USA might ‘invade the DPRK through the back door to take it out’ before someone suggested he might choose his words more wisely this time.