‘Nigel Farage: The Movie’ to chronicle former UKIP leader’s epic quest to fully enter Donald Trump’s colon

author avatar by 6 years ago

The plot of the forthcoming Nigel Farage film has today been revealed by a Hollywood insider.

After the announcement this week that a Hollywood studio is set to sign a £60m deal to make a movie about the former UKIP leader, the specific plot details of the completely unnecessary film have been revealed.

A source within the major studio told us “Moviegoers love a tale of upward struggle, of triumph over great adversity, and of love conquering all.

“This film promises to deliver all of those, as it will focus specifically on the last year or so, in which Nigel Farage, driven by his undying love for Donald Trump and a dogged determination to support extreme right wing views across the globe at all costs, attempts to fully enter the inner sanctum of Trump’s world. Namely, his colon.”

He explained, “During the 2016 Presidential election campaign Nigel Farage was seen putting everything on the line to work his way up there; his family, his on/off leadership of UKIP, his respect for dignity and his regard for the future of the human species.

“All of these things he was willing to sacrifice to get a shot at sharing the stage with America’s up and coming hate-figure.

“We could have made a film about how he managed to fail to become an MP despite trying seven times, but audiences want to see a bit more action.

“He had to beat off stiff competition from the likes of Michael Gove and Katie Hopkins to do so, but he’s pretty much accomplished his goal. All that remains is for his feet to finally disappear into Trump’s rectum and his journey to the dark side will be complete, as it were.”

Filming is due to begin next year, with Nigel Farage rumoured to be played by the chap who portrayed the lead orc in Lord Of The Rings.