Scottish baby boxes to come pre-filled with cans of Irn-Bru and Greggs steak slices

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Every family with a new baby in Scotland will get a box containing an Xbox, two cans of Irn-Bru and a Greggs sausage roll in a new scheme being rolled out this week.

The “Baby boxes”, as they are known, will contain essentials to help new parents cope with the stress of a newborn – such as 48 cans of special brew and a carton of 200 Benson and Hedges.

The boxes are also lined with unsold copies of The National newspaper so can be used as a warm crib for the child.

“The boxes will contain everything you’ll need to cope with your baby’s precious first few weeks, including an ear-piercing kit, plus a Celtic away shirt for the boys or some designer booties for the girls,” Nicola Sturgeon told reporters.

“There are always teething troubles with new schemes like this, so we’d like to remind mothers in Dundee not to stack their babies more than three deep and check on them at least once a week.

“But we think it’s vitally important to help people living in Glasgow get used to crying themselves to sleep in a cardboard box which smells of vomit as young as possible.”