Jeremy Hunt has been criticised for spending £44,000 on two full-time NHS nurses to follow him around with a bed pan.
Supporters of the NHS have been left outraged at the extravagance, claiming the two nurses could be spending their time helping sick people, instead of wiping the arse of a perfectly capable politician.
An aide to Jeremy Hunt told us, “£44k is quite cheap, actually. The two nurses follow him around, ready to leap into action at a seconds notice, the very moment he looks like a bowel movement might be arriving.
“Of course some people will say it’s a waste of money, £44,000, just so he can go to the toilet whenever he needs to, but that money could save him literally minutes of wasted time searching for a public loo.
“That’s time he can usefully spend trying to find other areas of the NHS from which he can cut funding – so it’s money very well spent in our opinion.”
The nurses in question have said the job is a long way from ideal, and not what they expected from a career in nursing.
Sharon Williams told us, “Those three years I spent training to become a nurse feels a little bit like they might have been wasted.
“I’m not saying I’m ungrateful for the work, not in the current climate – and I know that cleaning out bedpans is at least part of a nurse’s job – it’s just that I’d hoped it would be more than just that.
“Plus the gurning eye-contact that Jeremy insists on making during his bowel movements makes it hard to keep any food down.”