Champagne popping heard at Daily Mail offices as black muslim immigrant fails to win gold

author avatar by 7 years ago

The party at the Daily Mail offices could go on well into the night after Mo Farah failed to win the 5000m gold medal at the world championship.

Champagne is said to have remained on ice for many years, as Farah’s relentless winning streak continued, until tonight.

A source at the party told us, “People are always saying how unhappy we are when this immigrant bloke does well, particularly as he’s black and also a Muslim – but this time he didn’t win, so we’re having a party, what of it.

“We’ll find a decent angle for the morning papers, probably something about his Muslim faith meaning he couldn’t eat properly, or how black people are genetically weaker when they get into their 30’s – it depends on what sort of dubiously qualified doctor we can find to say what we need them to at this time on a Saturday night.”

Another at the party told us, “It was an incredibly nerve-wracking race to watch, definitely – my heart was in my throat on that last lap, especially as Mo looked like he might have enough in the tank to take the gold.

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“I was off my chair on the final corner screaming at the TV – for an Ethiopian to run a bit faster, funnily enough – but thankfully Mo couldn’t get to the front and had to settle for Silver, which as everyone knows is really just first loser.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, the editor has said the next round is on him!”