As Jeremy Kyle covers for Piers Morgan on Good Morning Britain, it has emerged today that the two are closely and terrifyingly related.
A routine medical examination by the Good Morning Britain producers which included taking a sample of DNA has revealed the shocking truth that their regular presenter and his current stand-in were both spawned from the same hellish malevolent being.
Senior producer Simon Williams told us “It started when we came to do the routine medical on Jeremy Kyle in preparation for him covering while Piers is on holiday.
“It was the same issue that we always have with Piers – namely, it’s extremely hard to find a vein due to the sallow skin, and then when we do get some blood, it oozes out thick, black and foul smelling.
“So we decided to compare the two fetid samples, and it seems they are pretty much identical, so they must have spawned in the same clutch of horror.”
He went on, “It explains a lot. The tiny, cold, hateful eyes. The almost inhuman levels of spite, malice and arrogance, and not to mention the uncontrolled loud, angry outbursts.
“Still, if it makes for good TV we’ll keep using them, don’t you worry about that.”
When asked what she thought of the discovery, Good Morning Britain co-presenter Susanna Reid responded, “Well, that explains the smell of sulphur and unexplained feeling of enormous dread I always experience in their presence.
“I guess I will just try and find a new job before my soul is destroyed by proxy.”