All three million previous adaptations of Pride and Prejudice were shite, insist producers of new series

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Despite the existence of numerous film and television adaptations of Jane Austen’s novel, the team behind Poldark have insisted that theirs will be the only good one.

The producers of the hit show Poldark, who also brought the sumptuous yet historically inaccurate series Victoria to television have taken on the entirely unnecessary task of adapting Pride and Prejudice, just like nobody asked them too.

Senior producer Simon Williams told us, “We are fully aware that Pride and Prejudice has been done a few times before, but let’s be honest, they were all crap. Can’t tell you why, exactly – we just have a sort of innate feeling that we can make the best one.”

He explained, “We will stay very close to the original Jane Austen story, but can’t rule out the possibility of throwing in some semi-naked scything to spice up the storyline a bit.

“And there will be plenty of boobs on show as well, because without either tits or dragons a show is meaningless these days – it won’t stand a chance of raking in viewers.”

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Jane Austen devotee Eleanor Gay, who has watched that scene of Colin Firth climbing out of the fountain so many times it is indelibly burned onto her retinas, responded, “When my VHS set of the original BBC adaption finally bites the dust then maybe that will be the time for a new version, but until then we’ll be fine, thank you very much.”