Prince Charles is fed up today after the wrong parent stepped down, according to sources close to the royal family.
The next in line to the throne had hoped that by this point in his life he would have been merrily reigning over his kingdom, rather than sitting around and trying in vain to avoid watching Channel 4 documentaries about Princess Diana.
As Prince Philip completed the last of his royal duties this morning, there were reports of a miserable Prince Charles at Clarence House.
“So father has retired, so what?” he was heard to grumble, aiming an ineffective kick at a passing cat.
“What difference does that make to me? Nothing. It’s not fair. Mother just keeps on going like one of those blasted Duracell bunnies one used to see on the adverts when one was trying to pass the time in the nineties.”
Camilla was understood to have placated her frustrated husband somewhat by pointing out that now Prince Philip is retired, there is only so much of him hanging around Windsor Castle that the Queen will be able to take.