Companies across the country are failing to embrace National Orgasm Day, according to workers prevented from masturbating at their desks.
National Orgasm Day is supposed to be a celebration of the perfectly normal sexual pleasure derived by millions as a result of sexual activity, but has been branded ‘disgusting’ and ‘against literally all of our HR rules’ by puritanical bosses everywhere.
Office clerk Simon Williams told us, “During Pride earlier this month there were rainbow flags in the kitchen, and the boss even brought in the colourful cupcakes.
“But now, because I want to have a quick wank at my desk to celebrate the perfectly normal physical response to sexual stimuli on this most auspicious of days, I’m on a formal written warning.
“It’s one rule for the gays, and another for the chronic masturbaters.”
Despite Williams’ protestations, Office Manager Sharon Matthews has refused to send out a company wide email in support of National Orgasm Day.
She told us, “If people want to have orgasms in the privacy of their own homes, then so be it; they are perfectly entitled to do just that.
“But I just don’t want them rubbing my face in it at work – or leaving the evidence in the disabled toilet cubicle on the second floor, Simon.”