11-year-old Jack Williams has declared that he is bored just 80 minutes into the school summer holidays.
Despite breaking up on Friday, and having a bedroom full of approximately every toy imaginable, he has told his parents he has ‘nothing to do’.
“Oh Christ we’ve got seven weeks of this,” lamented his father, Simon.
“I work from home, and I’m not sure I can deal with him coming into my office every ten goddamn minutes to remind me how tedious everything is and that there’s nothing good to do.
“He has an Xbox, a bike, a football, the entire Internet and God only knows what else that his mother buys him – how can he possibly be bored?
“Why can’t he be like I was as an 11-year-old, and just head to the woods to look in all the bushes in the hope of stumbling across a few pornos.
“Kids today don’t know how lucky they are, but they’ll never understand the joy of stumbling across a copy of Razzle in the park.”
Jack defended himself against claims that he ‘isn’t trying’, insisting that his parents should actually provide the perfect activity to keep his young mind occupied.
He told us, “It seems that repeatedly telling my parents that I’m bored is in itself incredibly entertaining. It’s like one of those YouTube pranks, only it’s happening right in front of you.
“Watch this, I’ll go and tell my Dad there’s nothing to watch on any of the 400 TV channels we have access to, and I bet you a fiver it makes his left eye twitch.”