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Far-right group Britain First have claimed that Church of England paedophiles are much better than the Muslim ones.
The ultranationalist party, who marched through Rochdale yesterday in protest against non-Christian paedophiles, also insisted that Muslim grooming gangs are seriously damaging the prospects of our own indigenous nonces.
“They’re finding it increasingly difficult to compete,” lamented Britain First leader Paul Golding.
“Traditional tools upon which decent British paedophiles have relied, such as sweets, lost puppies and BBC studio tours have been replaced by high-performance vehicles, alcohol and drugs.
“If we’re not careful, the endearing image of a bearded man with a carrier bag full of Sherbet Dip Dabs will disappear from our school playing fields forever.”
Golding believes that spreading the word via social media could help save our hard-working nonces from the paedo scrapheap.
“If your Twitter or Facebook profiles contain the words ‘patriot’ or ‘truth’ then there’s much you can do,” he explained.
“Remind your followers and friends that British paedos, even the ones that have moved abroad, are every bit as capable as foreign paedos.
“We can’t let British sex offenders suffer the same fate as the British car industry.”
British paedophiles aren’t the only lawbreakers whose contribution to UK crime figures is being overlooked.
32-year-old ATM thief Simon Williams insists that the disproportionate coverage that Romanian cashpoint fraudsters receive could force him to hang up his skimmer device for good.
“I read in the paper the other week that Romanian gangs are behind 90% of all ATM fraud in the UK.
“It’s scandalous that they’re getting all the credit for me taking people’s credit.
“British crime should be for British people.”
