Saturday 22 July 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Set menu option leaves everyone equally dissatisfied

Chinese set menu

A group of diners have opted to disappoint themselves for no good reason.

The group set out to order a Chinese meal delivered to a house, and originally started by picking the things they actually wanted from the menu.

“But then the fights about money started. Again,” said Jay Cooper.

“Simon is a fat bastard so of course he wanted five items to himself and suggested we split the bill equally, which takes the piss on an impressive scale.

“Then Elizabeth reminded us that she had no cash on her so she’d need to either pay one of us back or pay by card over the phone, which is always a treat when you’re talking to an elderly Chinese lady who speaks English as a second language.

“So fuck it. We’re going with Set Menu C and Simon can stop at McDonald’s on the way home.”

Elizabeth King said, “there’s not much in there that I like, but apparently I’ve caused enough of a fuss so I guess I’ll just have a spring roll.

“I’m looking forward to the food arriving, which we will eat in silence while actively resenting both the situation and each other.”

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