Britain has been astonished to learn just how much actual, real money Chris Evans is paid today.
The money, which is real and not out of a Monopoly set or anything, falls into Evans’ bank account on a regular basis in return for something or other but nobody is quite sure what.
Speculation includes Evans has some sort of media career, or possibly he’s threatening senior BBC figures with photographs taken in Ibiza in 1997.
“Whatever Chris does, we’re sure it’s great,” a spokesman for the BBC told us. “Absolutely fantastic. I mean, he tells us it is so it must be, right?
“We have to pay top talent like Chris the big bucks or he’ll leave to Channel Four for another series of Don’t Forget Your Toothbrush, which is a terrifyingly real threat.”
However, BBC viewer Simon Williams was unimpressed.
“Chris Evans is paid more than the Prime Minister, but I’d bet ten bob even she’d be a better DJ than him.
“If paying inexplicably popular self-obsessed gingers huge amounts to show off is a thing now, I expect he’ll be on Game of Thrones for a million pounds next week.”