Britain dying of embarrassment

author avatar by 7 years ago

A report on social anxiety has revealed that Great Britain has suffered too much humiliation and may never recover.

With Brexit negotiations now consisting of David Davis turning up for five minutes, grinning like a village idiot and then leaving, author of the report, Professor Simon Williams claims the majority of Britons are completely mortified.

“In times gone by, when the rest of the world thought of Britain, they would think of an open, generous and tolerant nation,” he explained.

“They now think of Nigel Farage in Union Jack shoes standing next to an overfilled wheelie bin pointing at the brown family living down the road.

“Where Britain was once viewed with admiration, it is now viewed as the nation equivalent of a loudmouth relative you bump into on a night out with friends.

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The report has come in for heavy criticism from pro-Leave supporters who insist that Professor Williams is a ‘TRAITOROUS EU QUISLING WHO SHOULD BE STRUNG UP FROM A LAMPPOST!!!!!!!’

“My grandfather gave his life in the war so that I could present his sacrifice as an alternative to a rational argument based on facts,” said Brexit supporter Brian First.

“I won’t let his sacrifice be in vain!”

Despite his findings, Professor Williams insists he is optimistic that Britain can regain its sense of pride.

“It shouldn’t be a case of Britons wishing the ground would open up and swallow them,” he said.

“It should be a case of wishing the ground would open up and swallow Boris Johnson.”

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