Man who is completely dependant on public servants decides to call them overpaid dossers

author avatar by 7 years ago

Philip Hammond, who relies on government employees for information, implementation of policy and even his own safety has taken the radical step of saying they should get less money.

A move described by some as “courageous” has by others been called “the fuck-witted ramblings of a moron.”

Treasury finance analyst Amanda Tinnock admitted the statement could be resented by some but that the Civil Service’s work ethic and neutrality would shield Philip Hammond from repercussions.

“It is our duty to implement the policies decreed by our elected officials and we will do so with utmost professionalism.

“Just as we would swiftly respond to a freedom of information request for file WSTMR/RWexp8467 should any journalist be interested about the expenses of a certain Runnymede MP who has spent the past two decades being housed on the taxpayer’s tit.”

On the doorstep of number 11, Constable Simon Williams also claimed that neither the comments or Mr Hammond’s 10% pay rise in 2015 would change his opinion of the Chancellor.

“As a millionaire landlord, Mr Hammond understands fair value and hard work.

“And he’s got a point. We are lazy sods. I mean, should anyone come here around 3.30 AM, they would be shocked at how easily they could get into his office and take a shit on his desk.”