Britain could remain a member of the EU according to the same sort of intelligence used to murder half a million Iraqis.
Former PM, Tony Blair, made the astonishing claim based on watertight evidence gained while avoiding prosecution for war crimes in the Hague.
Blair says he used his unexpected freedom to promote reform of the EU from within – time he would have otherwise spent tying his shoelaces together to form a makeshift noose.
In addition, Blair has produced satellite images which clearly show chief negotiators shifting their positions on the freedom of movement and indulging in pro-British sentiment.
Blair said, “Here’s a picture of Donald Tusk wearing a Cool Brittania t-shirt, in a bar in Brussels, sharing a drink with Keith Allen.
“Meanwhile, this very compromising one shows Jean Claude Juncker giving expert oral relief to a cigar-smoking bulldog.
“Just look at that technique. The length of shadow cast by the cigar suggests it happened during a debate on the Common Fisheries Policy.”
However, critics of Blair maintain the so-called evidence has been sexed-up in order to make it easier for the public to swallow.
As one explained, “Until he opened his mouth, I genuinely thought staying in the EU was still a possibility. Not any more.”
Brexit supporter, Simon Williams, said, “The bulldog has clearly been photoshopped from the Churchill car insurance advert.”
But last night Blair hit back, adding, “These findings would allow Britain to have its cake and reduce the plate on which it is served to a wasteland containing only crumbs.
“Trust me on this.”