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Reports are circulating that, despite all historical precedent, the participants of a hen-do remain convinced that the weekend will be an enjoyable experience.
Bride-to-be Samantha Limpet has taken fourteen close friends, colleagues, and a token homosexual to Brighton for two days of ‘shopping, eating, drinking and just, you know, having a laugh’.
Ms Limpet insists that the weekend will be ‘fun’.
“The naivety of Ms Limpet and her companions is breath-taking and not a little frightening,” said Elizabeth Hotpants, Professor of futile and desperate activities and Oxford University.
“All evidence suggests it will be a vomit-spattered, friendship-breaking, humiliating, torturous nightmare of hotel-room flatulence and bitter, long-buried grudges manifesting themselves in alcohol-fuelled acts of early morning street-violence.
“All while wearing angel-wings.”
The group has pre-booked a wide variety of events including a ‘hilarious’ pole-dancing session with a dead-eyed ex-acting student who can’t believe that it’s come to this, a vastly overpriced face-wash advertised as ‘an hour of luxuriant pampering and beauty treatments’, and over fourteen hours of sustained heavy drinking.
Professor Hotpants had some sure-fire advice to make the weekend a success.
“Cancel it.
“Cancel it, go home, have a bath, watch a box set and never consider the words ‘hen’ and ‘do’ in the same sentence again.”
