Viscount Phillips happy to now use that £5k as prison protection money

author avatar by 7 years ago

Viscount Phillips is today counting his lucky stars that no-one took up his £5k offer to run over Remain campaigner Gina Miller, as the money will come in useful when he’s in prison.

Despite offering the money as payment to anyone who would run over Ms Miller, no-one cashed in, leaving the Viscount rather flush in the cash department, which may well come in handy over the next three month.

Phillips explained to reporters, “I’ve heard the chaps inside can be jolly rough, so it’ll be nice to have a few pennies put aside to buy them off, so they afford a few trinkets for themselves and whatnot.

“I’m sure they can be paid to be my friends, just like the rest of you. I’ll have them eating out of the palm of hand in a jiffy.”

However, former prison inmate Simon Williams told us, “If there’s one thing the people in prison are always pleased to see, it’s a new face that is rich, vulnerable and ridiculously ill-prepared for prison. Literally everyone wants to meet those new faces.

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“He’ll be a popular boy, no doubt about that.”

At the time of publication, the residents of Block C said they have planned a special welcome for the Viscount, the sort that is reserved only for the new guests who threaten women and children.