Brexit saves UK from catastrophically lucrative EU free-trade deal with Japan

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There were sighs of relief across the UK this afternoon as it was revealed that Brexit has saved the country from being part of a catastrophically lucrative EU free-trade deal with Japan.

The trade deal, which could see tariff-free trading with Japan, the world’s third-largest economy, would be exactly the sort of boost to the economy that the UK has no real interest in.

“Phew, that was close,” said Brexit supporter and unemployed village idiot Simon Williams.

“Imagine if project fear had worked last year and we’d voted to remain in the EU, then we’d end up caught up in this horribly profitable free-trade deal with Japan that now covers 30% of the world’s economic activity.

“Yes, it would prove to be a huge boost to British businesses, leading to an economic bounce that could see new jobs and wage increases, but we’d have to talk to French people, which would be an absolute disaster for some reason.

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“We caught a lucky break there. Without Brexit, we might have Europeans telling us we no longer have to pay tariffs on the trade we conduct with Japan.

“The absolute nerve of these people. Who precisely do they think they are trying to improve the economic circumstances of my country.”

It is understood that Liam Fox is currently working on a post-Brexit trade deal to supply a small shop in Wisconsin with a regular selection of English cheeses.

“You see?” Continued Mr Williams.

“I don’t know what the remoaners are on about, we’ll be just fine.”

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