Researchers from Luton University will today publish a report that claims any individual using a black and white profile picture in which they attempt to look sullen and mysterious in fact merely confirms their innate twatishness to the casual observer.
“It’s a theory I’ve been toying with for a while now,” explained Professor Simon Williams, whose Social Preening group conducted the research.
“We employed a classic fashion axiom: that there’s a fine line between looking admittedly quite cool and likeable; but cross this unfeasibly thin line and you run the risk of looking like a complete and utter tool.”
The statistical element of his team’s research also threw up some interesting socio-geographic findings as the results unfolded.
“It seems that of the few who managed to look cool in a naturalistic kind of way, the vast majority turned out to be Italian or French,” said the academic.
“We believe that these continental types have the perfect mixture of arrogant cheekbones and a fair serving of aloof detachedness with which to pull off the monochrome look.”
Asked to recommend an ideal profile pic for the UK’s social media movers and shakers to employ, Prof Williams suggested that the average Brit would do well to have a picture of their pet, younger relative or ‘just one of them absolutely shit-faced’ as this would be the most accurate reflection of their lifestyle.