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A rota is to be stuck on the House of Commons fridge, so everyone knows whose turn it is to be in the Shadow Cabinet this week.
The high turnover on the opposition front bench means that reporters, government figures and members of the civil service are uncertain who they should be talking to today, and the note stuck to the fridge with a magnetic picture of Keir Hardie will allow people to check at a glance who is Shadow Business Secretary this afternoon.
The rota is written in pencil to make it easy to remove names quickly when they upset John McDonnell.
People are warned not to confuse the rota with the list of people whose job it is to clean out the fridge, but it should be easy to tell the difference as only one has Owen Smith on it every day.
“It’s simplicity itself,” we were told. “According to the rota, if it’s Monday, shadow Home Secretary is Emily Thornberry. If it’s Tuesday, she’s fallen out of favour and it’s Lyn Brown. By Wednesday she’ll have fallen on her sword after a car-crash interview and it’ll be Gloria de Piero.
“On Thursday she’ll have defied the whip on a point of conscience and it’ll be Tom Watson, and we can all guess how long he’ll last.
“For the remaining eighty-seven days of the month, it’ll be Diane Abbott.
“Aaah, that one never gets old.”
Some members of the opposition have already objected to the rota, with Stella Creasy already reported to have got a note from her mum getting her out of being Shadow Health Secretary so she can bunk off for a fag with Chukka Umunna behind the House of Lords.
