Legitimate businessman Derek Trotter has announced that he’s got a great deal for Theresa May, if she’s got another spare billion pounds laying around.
Mr Trotter made the offer in the wake of news that the Prime Minister is to pay one billion pounds to the DUP for the same Parliamentary support that they’ve provided for the past 45 years without being paid one billion pounds to do so.
“All I’m saying is that if Theresa, which is actually my most favourite name, if she’s got another billion quid just, sort of, knocking about, then I’ve got a blinding deal for her,” said Mr Trotter from the head office of Trotter’s Independent Traders.
“I’ve got some fire damaged fire alarms she could have for next to nothing, just a billion pounds, or these bottles of authentic Peckham Springs mineral water; they’d only be a billion pounds, or, for a billion quid, I’ve got a load of them Trident missiles. I mean, I say they’re Trident missiles, they’re Trident missile cases with a load of old rubbish in them.
“But who’s to say that’s not what you’ve got now, eh? Lovely Jubbly.”
Mr Trotter’s financial adviser and assistant market trader Rodney Trotter was heard to comment – “Leave it Del.”
It is understood that Mrs May has also received offers of tremendous deals from Arthur Daley, a used car salesman, and Reginald Mbongwana, a Nigerian Prince who needs Mrs May’s help to claim an inheritance if she could just pass on her bank details.