Jeremy Corbyn pledges milkshakes that will bring boys to *everybody’s* yard

author avatar by 7 years ago

The Labour leader has promised an end to Tory ‘I could teach you but I’ll have to charge’ by promising free tuition in milkshakes.

It is unfair that only some people’s yards have boys due to the quality of their milkshake, he said, and promised a future Labour government would introduce better milkshakes for all.

“The Tory attitude of ‘Damn right it’s better than yours’ makes it acceptable for them to get all the boys is simply wrong,” he told the BBC in an interview to be televised tonight.

“By promising to bring boys only to the yards of people who can charge, Theresa May has shown the inherent selfishness of Tory policy,” he said.

“A Labour government would ensure that boys were brought to everybody’s yards, ensuring an equitable division of boys amongst members of society whose milkshake – through no fault of their own – is of inadequate quality.

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“If necessary, boys will be requisitioned from more popular yards and redistributed.”

EU Remain campaigners have claimed Mr Corbyn’s milkshake policy is ‘nonsense’, pointing out that his support of an end to free movement means boys will be prevented from accessing yards where they are needed the most.