Paul Nuttall won the General Election, claims Paul Nuttall

author avatar by 6 years ago

UKIP leader, Lion Tamer and three times winner of World’s Greatest Love Machine Paul Nuttall has won the election according to reports coming from Paul Nuttall.

“Congratulations to me for winning the election,” said a new post on Mr Nuttall’s website.

“There’s no need to turn on the television or anything, I’ve definitely won and am going to be the most brilliant Prime Minister ever.”

Mr Nuttall can now add Prime Minister to an already impressive CV that includes world champion Boggle player, superhero, and inventor of bacon.

The website post also outlines Mr Nuttall’s plans for the country.

“As Prime Minister, I’ll do a brilliant Brexit that will see the country not only leave the EU, but will physically leave the continent and relocate to somewhere off the east coast of the United States.”

His website also claims that he didn’t come third in his constituency of Boston and Skegness with a loss of 26 percentage points on the 2015 result, but won it so much that Skegness is changing its name to Paul Nuttall Town.

Mr Nuttall will become Prime Minister as soon as he finishes filming on the new Mission Impossible film which he’s definitely starring in because he’s a brilliant film star.