Trump pulls out of Round Earth accord

author avatar by 6 years ago

Donald Trump has today withdrawn the United States from an international accord agreeing that the world isn’t flat.

The president has told reporters that the accord, under which all nations agree that the Earth is an oblate spheroid, is “not fit for purpose” in the 21st century, and the idea is just a theory and possibly a hoax by China.

The withdrawal signals a step back to pre-accord notions that the world is flat and that if you go too far you’ll fall off the edge, which, according to Trump, is a significant danger “if we don’t build a big ol’ wall around it”.

The president is expected to ignore established scientific consensus that the world is not, in fact, flat, in favour of the evidence of his own eyes.

“When I look out at the world, I see it’s got a flat edge”, he told us.

“Some call it the horizon, I call it the window ledge or the bottom of the screen showing Fox News in my office.

“The concept of the world being round was invented by China to make the US construction industry less competitive.

“If everyone thinks it’s, like, some kind of big blue marble surrounded by a thin, delicate mix of breathable gas which protects us from both solar radiation and the cold, hard emptiness of space, then hard-working American workers building lovely, protective walls round the edge will be out of a job.

“And just think of how much more gas and coal they’ll use doing that.

“It’s going to be great, beautiful. It’ll make us all so much better off,” he added.