Presidential trip judged a success after Trump doesn’t soil himself or punch anyone

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The White House has hailed Donald Trump’s visit to Europe and the Middle East a success after the President succeeded in neither publicly soiling himself or punching anyone.

“It was touch and go when he shoved that Montenegrin guy out of his way to get to the front of that photo,” said a White House insider.

“If you get in Trump’s way when there’s a camera around then he’s liable to sock you in the jaw, and I thought that’s how it was going to go there.

“But, you know, he is getting more Presidential every day, and not punching the Montenegrin Prime Minister in the face is just one more manifestation of that.”

There was also some concern when the President didn’t use the translation headphones at the UN summit.

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“Boy, that was a worry,” continued the advisor.

“To most people, that looked like he was just an ignorant buffoon who wasn’t interested in hearing from other leaders.

“But, when you’ve worked with the guy as long as I have then you know that’s the look he gets when he needs changing.

“But again, public bowel control is just another example of how he’s becoming more Presidential every day.”

Mr Trump’s team hope to build on the success of this trip by using his July trip to Germany to work on his personal hygiene and basic politeness when in company.

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