Union Jack to be replaced with a picture of a mug of tea

author avatar by 7 years ago

The Union Jack is to be replaced by a flag with a picture of mug of tea on it to better reflect the British spirit.

Plans announced by the government would replace the criss-crosses of red, white and blue with a shot of a lovely cup of hot brown just before it has a Hobnob dunked in it for the first time.

The change will mean all future marches by the EDL and BNP will have to be carried out with members dressed like the Tetley Tea Folk, which will be a great improvement.

The Treasury has approved the proposals, reasoning that anyone owning Union Jack merchandise will have to go out and buy a replacement meaning bumper additional revenues.

“It’s what Britain is all about, really,” said spokesman Simon Williams.

NewsThump Best sellers

“We live in an uncertain and dangerous world, and I think it’ll send a really clear message should we ever have to send out the Royal Navy under the flag of a refreshing brew.

“Any future enemy will really know what our objectives are: a nice sit down, a packet of chocolate Hobnobs, and a lovely cup of tea – that’s civilisation.

“Shall I pop the kettle on?”

A public consultation will be held to decide whether it should be a mug of Typhoo or Tetley that replaces the current abstract geometrical design, although campaigners from the north have already started a petition demanding Yorkshire Tea also be considered, warning that any referendum on the subject may prove to be even more divisive than Brexit.