Thursday 18 May 2017 by Lucas Wilde

Boris Johnson suggests Sikhs wouldn’t be so angry with a drink in them

Boris Johnson on Sikhs

Boris Johnson has suggested some angry Sikhs should calm down and perhaps have some Scotch.

The absolute car crash of a human being incurred the wrath of some Sikhs while standing in a Sikh temple and saying how brilliant it would be if it was easier to fill India with whisky.

“And then some tart started yelling,” grumbled the Foreign Secretary.

“Apparently your Sikh doesn’t like the sauce and I was wrong to talk about it in a Sikh temple. Who knew? Not yours truly. That’s for sure. Rah.

“I can’t help thinking they’d all be a bit less uppity if they managed to have the odd snifter here and there. Oh well, their loss. Did you see my turban thing? Splendid, wasn’t it?”

Boris’ PA sighed, “this is actually the best outcome we could have hoped for.”

“He didn’t use the phrase “johnny foreigner” and he didn’t say that we shouldn’t judge all Sikhs based on what happened during 9/11, so that’s two plus points.

“In the grand scheme of Boris Johnson, this is a minor annoyance. We’re visiting a synagogue next week, so hold onto your hats.”

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