Theresa May returns CPS director’s children unharmed after election fraud charges dropped

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Prime Minister Theresa May has returned unharmed the two children of CPS Director Alison Saunders after the CPS agreed to drop all Electoral fraud charges.

The CPS dropped their charges earlier this morning and brought to an end the dramatic events that followed the revelation of the Tory campaign’s mass expenses fraud in the 2015 General Election.

Initially, there was speculation the CPS would prosecute what seemed like clear-cut cases of fraudulent declarations of expenses from the Tories, but early yesterday morning it became apparent that Mrs Saunders’ children had gone missing.

“My son is normally a very early riser,” said Mrs Saunders.

“But this morning, there was no sign of him. On checking his bedroom, the bed was empty and the window was open.”

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On the pillow was a chilling note written on the back of a spreadsheet saying simply – ‘Please consider your position regarding the cases against the Tories regarding their use of the battle bus’.

“I knew immediately, it was that vicious cow May,” continued Mrs Saunders, bitterly.

“There’s nothing she wouldn’t do to get her own way. But what choice did I have?”

Earlier this morning, the CPS dropped their charges and the children were returned unharmed.

The Prime Minister had remained silent over the affair until the children had been returned and then made the following brief statement.

“I am grateful that these charges have been dropped and I hope now that certain prosecution services will remember what happens when they f**k with certain Prime Ministers.”