“Nobody ever asks *why* it is period of Civil War in the Galaxy” says Donald Trump

author avatar by 7 years ago

Donald Trump has claimed Chancellor Valorum could have prevented civil war in the galaxy if he hadn’t been replaced by Senator Palpatine.

After watching The Phantom Menace and Revenge of the Sith, Trump told reporters that Valorum, who served as Chancellor thirty years before the civil war was sparked, saw it coming and could have prevented it had he been both still Chancellor and, more importantly, alive.

Calling Jar-Jar Binks an ‘amazing figure in galactic history and very unique in so many ways’, the President said that the Gungan contributed to peace efforts by trying to get people talking and ‘trying to work it out’.

As it was, he said, rebel spaceships, striking from a hidden base, precipitated a war that claimed millions of lives and caused fractures in galactic society that persist today.

“You’ve got these guys now for whom blowing up planets, and force-choking people is still a part of their culture, and you can’t expect that just to go away,” he said.

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“Valorum was this great guy who recognised you have to make compromises that would allow them to phase out planet-killing superweapons and the Dark Side without feeling under threat.

“I just don’t understand why instead of going around stealing plans and shooting stormtroopers the rebel alliance didn’t sit down round a big, metallic table in some sort of small moon or space station and talk it out with Vader and Admiral Ozzel.

“I could have done. I think we would have found we had a lot in common.”