Person who asks for the divorce always gets everything they ask for, insists Theresa May

author avatar by 7 years ago

Theresa May has insisted our Brexit deal will be absolutely fine because in any divorce the party who asks for the split always gets exactly what they want.

As press speculation mounts that the UK has set itself massively unrealistic expectations in terms of its Brexit objectives, the prime minister sought to reassure voters that everything is in hand.

She explained, “This is why people rush to get divorced, because if you get in there first and trigger the divorcing process yourself, then you get to keep all the good things about the marriage while ditching all the bad things.

“By starting the divorce process, you force the other side into doing what you want – just like Brexit.

“Sure, the other side might be full of bluster about how you’re not going to get your way, but we all know that at the end of the process the winner is always the one who wanted the divorce.”

Voters have reacted with surprise at May’s comments, with many wondering if her grasp on reality is as tenuous as her grasp of a divorce proceeding.

As one explained, “My mate Dave got divorced from his wife of twenty years; he now lives in a one-bed flat above a chip-shop, and his kids think he’s a twat. All because he wasn’t happy that his wife wouldn’t let him do absolutely everything he wanted, whenever he wanted to.

“I’m not normally one for analogies, but there’s a reason his nickname is ‘Brexit’.”