The EU essentially plans to make Brexit as harsh as possible while having a bloody good laugh.
The 27 remaining member states came together in a rare show of unanimous agreement, and came up with a foundation for talks that looks about as co-operative as a bat trapped in a broom cupboard.
“”I’m afraid not”, “not at the moment” and even “heh heh no fucking chance, treacle” are just some of the phrases to watch out for” confirmed EU strategist, Simon Williams.
“You remember that time you had an ugly break-up with someone and then needed them for something a month later?
“Well, imagine the response you got back then, except this time you broke up with 27 very angry people who all hate you for very different reasons.
“Then imagine those people all got together and decided to join forces in order to fuck you over.
“I’m essentially describing the plot to John Tucker Must Die and if you thought that movie was terrible, it’s nothing compared to how bad Brexit is going to be for all of you.
Britain’s ambassador to the EU, Jay Cooper, said, “we are not in the least bit worried.
“That massive shipment of Ferrero Rocher we’ve taken in is a just a coincidence.”