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The Republican party will be celebrating this weekend to mark Donald Trump successfully managing to resist the urge to grab any females by their genitals during his first one hundred days in power.
Republican party spokesman Simon-Bob Williams told reporters, “Incredibly, Trump has been in power for one hundred days and as far as we are aware has fought the urge to grope any females, so we’ll be throwing a few parties to celebrate, that’s for sure.
“Mainly, we’ll be celebrating our relief at him refraining from living up to his so-called ‘locker room’ talk, but it will also give everyone the opportunity to celebrate that he hasn’t yet caused a full-blown nuclear war, either.”
White House aide Eleanor Gay today revealed how staff were able to keep the President, who was famously recorded bragging about sexual assault, on the straight and narrow.
“When I knew I would be working with Trump, naturally I was worried for my safety,” she told reporters.
“But we have found that a few things have helped him behave himself.
“Firstly, we don’t let him have any Tic-Tacs, as we know these can give him extra confidence – the coffee breath isn’t great, but we feel safer.
“Secondly, we banned him from organising any beauty pageants, as we knew he would struggle in those environments.
“And thirdly, we always work in pairs around him. And always with Fox news on in the background, to distract him when necessary.”
White House staff have also observed that strangely, Trump displays a lack of libido whenever his daughter Ivanka goes away on a business trip.
