Being poor is like the Fyre festival but all the time, rich people told

author avatar by 7 years ago

Being poor involves terrible accommodation, lousy food and the booze running out but all the time, people attending the Fyre festival have been told.

Attendees of the Fyre festival, who paid more than ten grand to attend a festival headlined by early 2000s west coast pop-punk bands, discovered that the luxury camp they’d been promised was half-built and that food was in short supply.

The hellish existence being experienced by the rich kids in the Bahamas is available in most refugee camps and doesn’t cost $12,000, according to reports.

People at the camp in the Bahamas have described being flown there in coach class as ‘hellish’ and ‘Like being trafficked by Chinese snakehead gangs’.

Survivors of the festival told us of sleeping in a tent and getting a cheese sandwich for lunch as if that wouldn’t be a major step up for most of humanity.

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Blink 182 not playing as advertised is being recognised by most as an improvement to their circumstances, although the hellish life of refugees was partially replicated by Jared Leto turning up and patronising everyone.

“Yah, it’s like totally Lord of the Flies here but with attractive people and snapchat,” attendee Simone Williams told us.

“I had to eat, like, a cheese sandwich which I’m told poor people would kill for. Well, why don’t they come here? They could have had mine.

“I mean, being poor, like, sucks. They should totally stop doing it. A single weekend is enough to last me a lifetime.”

Kim Jong-Un has told North Korean dissidents that if they don’t pipe down he’ll put them on a plane to the festival and then they’ll be sorry.

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