Jeremy Corbyn declines open goal

author avatar by 7 years ago

Jeremy Corbyn has declined a televised shot on goal unless Theresa May is there to have a go at saving it.

Presented with a ball in front of an open net, the Labour leader said it would be unfair on his opponents to just boot it in and refused to take the shot.

Theresa May said last week she wouldn’t be interested in standing in the goalmouth whilst other party leaders lobbed shots at her, giving Corbyn a clear chance to score without any chance whatsoever of missing.

Spectators are reported to be ‘astonished’ that he instead chose to walk away from the invitingly empty goalmouth without so much as touching the ball.

“Theresa was miles off her line and had ruled out making a save”, we were told. “He could have just tapped it in.

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“Instead, Corbyn ambled back to his own half and put a cup of tea on, leaving Boris Johnson to knock three past him in under five minutes.

“He said he thought it important the Tories should continue to have freedom of movement Labour’s own 18-yard box.”

Other members of the Labour team have been trying to get Corbyn substituted for almost two years, but his popularity with the fan club renders him almost untouchable.

Supporters of Corbyn have claimed the refused shot should be ‘goal of the month’ on Match of the Day and complained about the lack of coverage, saying it shows how biased the mainstream media are.

When asked, Shadow Chancellor John McDonnell insisted that the open goal was a capitalist lie, and then a Labour government would guarantee free goals for everyone.

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