Conservatives will increase employment of made up words if elected, promises Boris Johnson

author avatar by 7 years ago

Blonde buffoon Boris Johnson has promised that if successful in the forthcoming election the Conservatives will dedicate significant time and resources towards increasing the employment of archaic or completely made up words.

The election pledge comes after the Foreign Secretary used his column in the Sun to describe Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn as a ‘mugwump’, a term that evidently few people understand.

Speaking to reporters outside his London home this morning, Mr Johnson defended his use of the word saying “Well, Corbyn is a mugwump. That beardybore is a snidefaced pipsqueaker of the worst kind imaginable, and should never be allowed to be in charge this magnifisuper country of ours.

“And you don’t have to have been a member of the Bullingdon Club to know what I mean when I say that it is almost a foregone conclusion that the Conservative party are going to absolutely and completely tallywack the Labour party in the forthcoming election.”

As he mounted his bicycle he added, “Furthermore, there will be an increase in the use of convoluted bumblegumpf if we win, because, well, I like it.”

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It is understood that the translator who accompanies the Foreign Secretary on trips abroad has resigned after finding it too difficult having to translate what Mr Johnson is saying into English first before translating it into the other language.