‘Bland, inoffensive yet meaningless slogan,’ says Theresa May

author avatar by 7 years ago

Prime Minister Theresa May rallied her supporters with the rousing words ‘bland, inoffensive yet meaningless slogan.’

Mrs May appeared in an anonymous large grey room somewhere in the UK that had been strategically filled with the sort of people who look like they were about to tell you about their personal experience of alien abduction.

As the Prime Minister said the words ‘bland, inoffensive yet meaningless slogan,’ the people in the room held up placards reading ‘bland, inoffensive yet meaningless slogan’ and smiled terribly.

She then went on to say a collection of phrases and words like ‘hard-working,’ ‘strength,’ and ‘going forward,’ all carefully selected by advisors based on rigorous focus-group testing and then placed together in an order calculated to give the greatest appearance of substantive meaning.

Several times at the event, Mrs May remembered to look all around the room and would occasionally arrange her face in the vague approximation of a smile.

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Supporters were impressed.

“I’m definitely voting Tory this election,” said Simon Williams, a man whose Facebook profile claims he has never been lobotomised.

“I basically think that bland, inoffensive yet meaningless slogan and that if Labour got in, then the country wouldn’t bland inoffensive yet meaningless slogan.”

It is expected that Theresa May will tomorrow go to a different place and say ‘Bland, inoffensive yet meaningless slogan’ a lot.