Britain to experience first entirely policy-free election

author avatar by 7 years ago

All major political parties have decided to dispense with policies this election and move directly to comparing their opponents to literally Hitler.

Election campaigns usually have at least two weeks where parties talk about their policies and what they might mean before moving to what experts call the ‘Hitler phase’, but 2017 is believed to be the first time they have all agreed to skip the difficult bit where they have to think of stuff.

A spokesman for the Conservative party told us that their electoral strategy was to say nothing at all and just point silently point at Jeremy Corbyn whilst their opponents destroy themselves without any help.

Meanwhile, Labour have adopted a strategy of getting their supporters to call anyone who disagrees with them both stupid and evil until they change their vote, as that has always been tremendously successful in the past.

When asked for an outline of the SNP policy platform, leader Nicola Sturgeon told reporters, “Scotland scotland scotland, scotland scotland referendum scotland tories scotland. Scotland scotland scotland.”

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The Liberal Democrats have confirmed they would not be willing to enter a coalition government with anyone as all the other parties are ‘literally Hitler’, according to leader Tim Farron.

At the same time, UKIP have been busy comparing themselves to Hitler whilst staring wistfully into a mirror.

When asked if pursuing an election campaign where nobody talked about anything but how loathsome the opposition is was healthy for democracy, Professor of Politics Simon Williams told us that was ‘the sort of thing Hitler would say’.