Nigel Farage considering eighth attempt at gaining access to Parliament’s subsidised bars

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Nigel Farage has revealed he is considering making yet another attempt at gaining unfettered access to the taxpayer-subsidised bars in the Houses of Parliament.

Mr Farage, who has failed to gain entry to the discount piss-up on seven previous occasions, said that he had reached the decision after careful consideration.

“It was important to work out where I would be best positioned during Brexit negotiations,” he said.

“I concluded that propping up a bar in Strasbourg wasn’t as cost effective as being slumped over a table in the Palace of Westminster.”

Ukip leader Paul Nuttall will be hoping he can emulate the achievements of his predecessor.

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“Nigel has failed to become an MP on seven occasions,” he said.

“He once lost to a man dressed as a dolphin.

“To lose so often and so spectacularly while still being portrayed by the media as ‘successful’ is truly inspirational.”