Kebab meat self-identifies as lamb

author avatar by 7 years ago

The unidentifiable column of rotating meat in a kebab shop has announced it self-identifies as lamb and would like its wish to be called that to be respected.

The meat told us that the announcement follows a long and heartfelt search for its true identity after years of feeling it was in the wrong, Golden Retriever body.

“Yes,  I wasn’t born lamb but that doesn’t mean that’s not who I am on the inside”, the meat told us.

“It’s prescriptive and discriminatory to claim that just because my DNA says I’m mostly horse and squirrel I can’t be who I want to be; a little fluffy bouncing ball of fluffy lambdom on a hillside. Or in your pitta bread.

“I’ve always felt like lamb, even when I was running around chasing a ball and woofing.

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“And if you say otherwise then I think the problem is with you, not me.”

Reports from the United States suggest that people will be allowed to shoot anyone taking a kebab into a public restroom.